all of my sins..

We have guests in the house right now.. Am too lazy to change so I'm stuck in my room...

WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. last beverage = plain water
2. last phone call = with that Celcom guy who thinks I haven’t pay the bills
3. last text message = with my online friend
4. last song you listened to = can’t remember
5. last time you cried = long time ago..

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. dated someone twice = yes
7. been cheated on = yes
8. kissed someone & regretted it = yes... (what was I thinking????)
9. lost someone special = yes
10. been depressed = yes
11. been drunk and threw up = well...

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. green
13. maroon
14. silver

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2009)
15. Made a new friend = yes
16. Fallen out of love = yes
17. Laughed until you cried = yes (I have crazy roommates)
18. Met someone who changed you = yes
19. Found out who your true friends were = yes
20. Found out someone was talking about you = doesn’t matter
21. Kissed anyone on your multiply friend's list = I don’t have that

GENERAL:
22. How many people on your multiply friends list do you know in real life = --

24. Do you have any pets = no
25. Do you want to change your name = no
26. What did you do for your last birthday = nothing
27. What time did you wake up today = noon
28. What were you doing at midnight last night = talked on the phone
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for = to get out from this shell
30. Last time you saw your Mother = just now
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life = none that I can think of
32. What are you listening to right now = nothing
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom = I don’t think so..
34. What's getting on your nerves right now = people who thinks they know me
35. Most visited webpage = google
37. Nicknames = Ucuk
38. Relationship Status = SINGLE
39. Zodiac sign = Aquarius
41. Elementary =
42. Middle School =
43. High school/College =
44. Hair color = black & brown
45. Long or short = long
46. Height = 155 cm?? 158 cm?? Not sure
47. Do you have a crush on someone? = I have 2.
48: What do you like about yourself = emotionally flexible
49 Piercings = none
50. Tattoos = none
51. Righty or lefty = righty

FIRSTS :
52. First surgery = never
53. First piercing = never
54. First best friend = I don’t like her now
55. First sport you joined = volley ball
56. First vacation = Sarawak
58. First..... (the questions missing)

RIGHT NOW:
59. Eating = nothing
60. Drinking = nothing
61. I'm about to = do my assignments
62. Listening to = nothing
63. Waiting on = nothing

YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids? = yes
65. Get Married? = yes
66. Career? = something I can brag


WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes? = eyes
68. Hugs or kisses = I prefer kiss... I can kiss someone easily but hugging.. is really a big deal for me. /swt
69. Shorter or taller = taller
70. Older or Younger = older
71. Romantic or spontaneous = spontaneous
72. Nice stomach or nice arms = ??
73. Sensitive or loud = uhhh....
74. Hook-up or relationship = at this moment.. hook-up (I’m not ready for a relationship right now)
75. Trouble maker or hesitant = trouble maker

HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger = yes and regretted it
77. Drank hard liquor = no
78. Lost glasses/contacts = yes
79. Sex on first date = no
80. Broken someone's heart = yes
81. Had your own heart broken = yes
82. Been arrested = no
83. Turned someone down = yes
84. Cried when someone died = yes
85. Embarrassed yourself in public? = I do it without even realizing it

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself = yes
87. Miracles = yes
88. Love at first sight = not anymore
89. Heaven = yes
90. Santa Claus = never
91. Kiss on the first date = why not?
92. Angels = yes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
93. Had more than one bf/gf? = yes
95. Did you sing today? = yes
96. Ever cheated on somebody? = no
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go, and why? = That time when he asked to meet at one night.. but instead, I followed my ego and went out with a stranger.. I really want to know what would happen if I had agreed to meet him...
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be? = the day when he told me that he was willing to do ANYTHING on that one whole day
100. Posting this as 100 truths? = maybe

When I'm outside, at the shopping mall, or just at a place where there are a lot of people.. I keep on sensing those who are... well... like.. uhh... who I used to be.. (or maybe still am?).. (shyet)

I can't help feeling attracted to them. Especially those who act tough and dressed like one. Oo la la~ HAHAH.

I remember in Cameron, there was this one girl. Oh gosh, I feel like grabbing her and make out in the toilet or sth.. Ey, rase macam jd psycho sex addict la plak. AHAHAHAH. Somehow we stared at each other though.. I guess she sensed me too.. but I didn't "go for it" cuz I was walking with my friends.. so... it was a short stare (which felt like eternity lol)..

*sighs*

None of my friends knew I was like that... Sometimes I do feel like telling them but, the words just won't come out. I feel so hypocrite..

This feeling.. a part of me just want to do whatever I want to do.. but another part of me holds me back..

I wish I could just turn it off. The attraction. Whew. It's killing me.

ONLY ONE - YELLOWCARD

Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only my only one

Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one

*****

Expecting a challenge.

Loving the risk.

Craving for a new experience..

I just realized something..

Maybe it wasn't love.. Maybe it was just an admiration..

Her strong, confident and independent personality.

Exactly like Sya.. The woman I adore so much.

That's what attracts me the most.

Not because of her masculine attitude. Not because of the way she dress.

And definitely not because I'm confuse or mistaken her as a guy..

This 'pengkid'.. She admit she is.. but I don't see her as one..

Maybe I adore her so much til I've mistaken it as love..

..........you know I keep telling myself differently to convince myself to stop falling for her..

I'M NOT GOING BACK!!